It seems like since I stopped watching the kids I have more things to accomplish and less time to write. I am starting to focus on myself and making sure I never get cancer again. My weeks have been filled with lunch dates with friends I haven't seen in a while, play dates, exploring new business adventures, many trips to the grocery store, (I am learning new ways to eat healthy). I also crave different foods on a weekly basis with fruits and vegetables being a constant craving. I use to drink hot chocolate everyday and I have not craved this since I was diagnosed and started chemotherapy. I am not at a 100% but instead of taking care of 5 kids I am taking care of myself and I am noticing a huge difference in my overall energy. I can wake up at 7 a.m. and go all day without a nap. When I was watching the kids I had to take a nap when they took a nap.
My right hand is getting better! My fingers are still numb but they are bending and there is no more pain. My grip is getting tighter which is making easier to open milk jugs and twisting off lids. I am praying my hand comes back soon! I miss it so much.=)
Although I do not have hair...I do not mind. It definitely saves me an hour a day of not having to brush, blow dry, curl or straighten. Another bonus...I do not have to shave! I use to shave my legs everyday and now I get to skip this step, it has not grown in months. If bald was in I would keep it but I noticed I was a little jealous when Steve and I went to the Keith Urban concert. There I was in my black short wig looking at all the girls who had long locks wishing for that one night I had my hair. I have heard when my hair grows back, it could be a different color. My only request...is it does not come in grey!
I feel like I am an old lady! I get hot flashes all the time! One minute I could have a sweatshirt on and the next I am tearing it off and putting on shorts and a t-shirt. I have not had my period in months which is why I am getting hot flashes. My body is going through an early menopause! Once I stop chemotherapy and radiation is complete my body should go back to normal. Why am I telling you this? Because this is the truth about cancer patients and undergoing chemotherapy changes everything in your body.
Thursday, August 18 - Teresa Bednar and Deb Bothof drove me to chemotherapy. As always my friend Lyndsey stopped out to say hello! I did not get pics of Teresa and Lyndsey..=( This was not on purpose I just forgot. That is what happens when you get wrapped up in good conversations.
Deb and Me
Deb was so kind to take me to the movie "The Help"
last week. It was a fantastic movie! I highly recommend seeing it.
Thursday, August 25 - Jessica Monestero and Deb Bothof drove me to chemotherapy.
I forgot my camera for my chemo session.
Here is Jessica and her husband Paul the night
of Party for Pottebaum. So great to see you!
Can you believe they had twins? Jess looks fantastic!
Teresa, Deb and Jess are the ladies I met while working at InSearch. Teresa is the wife of my former boss Bob. We also had a lunch date for Ruth's birthday and got to catch up on their kids and life in general.
Jessica and I were co-workers at InSearch and she took over my desk when I decided to stop recruiting. It was like old times in the "bull pin" giving each other advice on life and catching up on the happenings at InSearch.
I have the pleasure of seeing Deb once a week as she drops off fresh produce to my house. Deb is always bringing me candy, cookies and food. This her attempt to fatten me up! I use to crave chocolate all the time but since starting chemotherapy I could live without it. It is nice to try something sweet every once in a while. Another bonus, Olivia would never go up to Deb only because she didn't know her that well. Now when Deb comes Olivia greets her at the door and takes her back to her room to play. =)
I am over the hump! I only have 7 chemotherapy sessions left! October 13th (my last chemotherapy session) will be here soon and I can't wait!
Thank you to my drivers, friends and family for your continued love and support. Steve, Olivia and I could not get through this without you.
Today I feel good! I had my 5th cycle of chemo yesterday and I am told I will have minimal side effects. Good thing I had a driver because to administer the new chemo (toxil) they had to give me 50 ml of Benedryl. This made me nauseous and really tired the entire time.
My former boss and his wife Bob and Teresa Bednar were going to take me but Steve arrived in Omaha and wanted to take me. My friend Lyndsey Foster came and and sat with me. She is a nurse so she was really good to have with me. I kept feeling like I was going to blow chunks and pass out. She asked if I was craving anything to eat so I could get something in my stomach. The last time I ate was at 10:30 a.m. and it was now 1:30 p.m. So I definately needed something. The first thing that popped in my head was a Snickers bar. Lyndsey ran down to the vending machine and served it to me on a plate. Now that is service! After 2 bites I immediately started to feel better. I just needed some sugar in my system. As Steve pointed out "Snickers really satisfies!".
I recieved good news from Dr. Thome' I am NOT HER2+!!! What this means is I will not have to do chemo for another year!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!! I did learn I was off a week and my last chemo session will be October 13th. I go in weekly so only 11 more treatments. Two weeks after my last chemo session I will have Five weeks of radiation everyday (Monday-Friday). They did say radiation will make me tired.
If you haven't heard my side of the family went in for genetic testing after they found out I had a mutation. My sister and dad tested negative while my mom tested positive. This required her to get a mammogram, MRI and a lumpectomy after they found two masses in her left breast. Those masses tested positive for cancer.Please keep my mother in your prayers as she will have a double mastectomy next month. They will know after they get the pathology reports and surgery her stage of cancer and any other steps to get rid of it completely. If you know my mom she has a good sense of humor and said she has always wanted a breast reduction. As I have said before....BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR! She is getting a second opinion today from Dr. Reilly and I will update her status on this blog and caringbridge.
Because my mom generously offered to watch the kids during my treatments, she will not be able to watch them now. So my sister is looking for a nanny (paid) Monday-Fridays, 7:15 am - 5:30 pm until the end of the year. If you or you know someone interested send them my way! emily.pottebaum@yahoo.com or 402-213-7669.
My boss from InSearch Bob and his family! They were so kind to bring Olivia a birthday present and a gift card to Charlie's on the Lake and a book for me to read called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. Teresa and Bob both read the book and said once they started they couldn't put it down. I am going to start reading it after my surgery since I won't be able to move for 3-4 weeks!
THANK YOU Bednars!!!
Bob, Collin, Olivia, Me, Teresa and Andrew
THANK YOU Claudia Larsen who made me a rosary bracelet. I have never met Claudia but she is the aunt to Nancy (Pick) Murphy who is a former class mate of Steve.
This is the letter she sent with it:
"One year I received a bracelet like this for my birthday. It resembles the Rosary we Catholics pray as a special devotion to the Blessed Mother. I loved it so much I decided to make a much smaller one such as this for my sister who was going on a mission outside the country. I had it blessed by my parish priest and asked her slip it into her pocket, to wear it when she could and to pray it - to bring her home safe. She did and has since passed it around to her friends and family members on special occasions when they needed "protection" as well, and now I make them for people to enjoy and bring them comfort.
Not everyone that wears it is Catholic, so we have renamed it from a Rosary to simply a "Prayer" Bracelet.
The largest metal bead represents the Apostle's Creed, or otherwise known as the Profession of Faith. The first three little "stand alone" beads are in petition for an increase of faith, hop and love. each of the other metal beads represents the Our Father which the dear Lord gave to all faiths as the perfect form of prayer. the five sets of ten beads can be used for whatever prayer is special to you. this is what makes it your bracelet.
The last metal bead at he end is the best - this is my "Prayer Box" I've added. This is where you put your secrets,your worries and your wishes. you put them in this little box and give them back to God to take care of because that's the safest place for them. Enjoy..."
THANK YOU to the Krolls for the gift card to Whole Foods. Melissa and I went to high school together and it was such a pleasant surprise to get her card and gift in the mail. THANK YOU!
Justin, Maida, Melissa and Harper
Congratulations on your newest addition! She is gorgeous!!!
Thank you in advance to Jen Fehringer, Kathy Knickrehm, Deanna Wolf, Crystal Crowley, Joan Allen and my aunt Linde who all signed up to bring Steve and I food after my surgery. This will help Steve out a lot!!! =)
Thank you to Deb and John Bothof who brought me a blanket to keep me warm during my chemotherapy treatments. It is PINK my new favorite color.
Thank you to Travis and Michelle for offering to watch our dogs Jake and Elwood when I am in the hospital. We LOVE you guys!!
Michelle, Travis and baby Paxton!!
Thank you to everyone for your kind words, cards and prayers. I can't begin to tell you how much it is appreciated and how grateful I am to have such wonderful family and friends. =)
In 1989, when I was 10 years old I kept having a reoccurring dream about my grandpa Ringling. At the time I didn't have a clue what my dream was telling me. I would always see a man with dark, short hair and blue eyes. The clearest blue eyes I have ever seen. Each night the man would take me further into the dream and on the final night (I had the dream a total of 7 days) the man showed me everything through his bright blue eyes. The scenes are a bit fuzzy now as I write this today but here are the main events in my dreams. My grandpa Ringling was floating down a river with my cousin Kari in an inter tube. At some point my grandpa told Kari to hold on to a branch while he went to go look for my aunt and grandmother. I saw my grandpa floating down the river and his tube flipping over... he never came back up for air. I could hear helicopters in the background and see my grandmother on a bench crying and hear my cousin Kari saying: "I think grandpa is dead." I finally saw a fisherman pulling my grandpa's body out of the water. I told my sister Angie about my dream and she said I was crazy.
A day later we received a phone call. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just come home from my piano lesson and my dad was on the phone crying. I was sitting by the bar downstairs close to the kitchen where my dad was talking. When he got off the phone he told us that our grandpa Ringling had died. Not only did he tell us of his passing but he told us the story of how he passed. Ironically it was exactly like my dream. My sister didn't think I was crazy any more. Since then I always knew I had to read signs or dreams given to me because they were glimpses of what was going to happen to me in the future. I learned to follow my instincts because they were usually right.
I have many other stories and signs which I plan to tell if they are fitting to the situation. These next few stories lead me up to today and how they will help me through my fight with breast cancer.
In 2003, I decided to apply for a recruiter's assistant position at a company called InSearch. It was the only position I applied for at the time as my "6th sense" was telling me to go for it. I was qualified for the position, maybe a little over qualified. You see, I was a recruiter for another company and I just wasn't happy. The position I was in and the company I was working for were just not "clicking". I thought if I started a little lower in the ranks and learned the ropes I could eventually become a recruiter again. Thank God I got the position because I quit my current job before I had an offer.
I started in January of 2004 as a recruiter's assistant. I loved the job because it used my organizational and communication skills and at the same time I learned from some of the best recruiters in the business. InSearch went through a lot of changes while I was there and eventually a position opened up for me to be a recruiter. I was more then ready to try again. At first I wasn't so sure I was going to do well because I had some pretty big shoes to fill. The last person who was in the position left to start her own recruiting business. To my surprise, I worked hard and started to see positive results....a LOT of placements and revenue coming in. I just kept my head down and kept focusing on the revenue coming in and I always exceeded my goals but I was never really happy in the position. It never really satisfied my soul.
One day, I threw my hands up and told my boss I was done. I no longer wanted to be a recruiter. The scary part was I had not a clue what I was going to do with my life. I just knew I didn't want to be a recruiter. Not because I wasn't successful..I actually was pretty good...it just didn't make me happy. We worked it out so I could still stay at InSearch and hired another recruiter in my position. My boss created a position for me as an Office Manager / Recruiter's Assistant. I knew I wouldn't stay at InSearch forever but it was a nice transition until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.
While I worked at InSearch I got to know two of the recruiters named Ruth and Deb and my boss, Bob. Extremely kind people and strong in their faith. They never threw it in your face but if you asked, they would help guide you with religion.
Deb and I sat across from each other and her son had recently passed away. Deb would occasionally talk about her son and how her faith got her through her dark moments. I have always admired Deb's strength and ability to relate to other people. One piece of advice I remember Deb telling me is I could always go back to work. Deb encouraged me from time to time to leave InSearch when I found out I was pregnant with Olivia. She always said I will never get that time back. I am so glad I listened to Deb.
Ruth is someone I have always looked up to as a role model. She is always composed, dressed nice, perfect make up and hair and to top it off she is the kindest person I have ever met. Ruth would on occasion invite the office to listen to speakers at her church and all of us (the ladies) would go.
The last speaker Ruth, Deb and I went to was right before I left InSearch and the speaker taught us how to pray. I never knew there was a certain way to pray..no one had ever taught me. Since then I vowed to try it and see if God really answers my prayers. Ruth and I would have our own meetings at Panera and we would disscus the results. We came to the conclusion God does answer all our prayers but it is only on his terms. Try it! Write down your prayers for yourself and others and over time he does answer them all.
I was born and raised catholic so I had read from the Bible in church but I never actually bought one until Bob reintroduced me to the Bible my last year at InSearch. Bob would have a men's group every Friday before the office would open and he and his friends would discuss the Bible and how it applied to their life. I would sometimes ask Bob about the Bible and his thoughts about life and he always had fascinating answers to help me in my current situation. I remember one of our conversations that has stuck with me today. "If something in your life is not feeding your soul, then it is God's way of telling you to move on." So I did. Thanks Bob. =)
I believe I was guided to work at InSearch to strengthen my faith which will help me fight and beat cancer!
In February 2009, I left InSearch to pursue motherhood (Thanks for the advice Deb) as I was pregnant with Steve's and my first child. My sister Angie was looking for a nanny and she thought it would be a good fit for me to watch her four children while I raised Olivia. I thought it was a great idea! I could still stay home with Olivia and play with my nieces and nephews. At the time Sully was 5 months old, Addie was 2 1/2, Cullen and Avery were three months shy of their 4th birthday. Olivia was born April 7, 2009. Although at first it was a challenge and tested my patience watching my sister's kids and Olivia was the best decision I made. Olivia and all my sister's kids are so close they miss each other if we go on separate vacations or are apart for more then a weekend.
I believe I was guided to raise Olivia with Angie's kids because Olivia will never have a sibling of her own. Steve and I found out last Wednesday (March 23) I can no longer carry a child. The chances of the cancer coming back and killing me are extremely high. I was sad and disappointed at the news because Steve and I decided we wanted baby #2 a month before we found out I had cancer. Ironically, I have said for a while before this news I would be okay with just Olivia if that was all God could give us. She is probably the best gift God could ever give me and to top it off she is healthy! I always thought I would have two children but maybe it is not in God's plan. God surrounded Olivia and me with my sister's kids to give Olivia the "siblings" she needs and the children I want....but the good news is it will be less expensive! ;)
I have learned through all this that my life is not my own. The decisions I make for myself are all for God's plan. My 6th sense works, maybe I knew all along Steve and I would have one child. I am realizing now more then ever, my words and thoughts are coming true as I go through this experience. I am just so thankful for the wonderful people at InSearch who helped strengthen my faith, my sister and brother-in-law who have allowed me to help raise their children giving Olivia her "brother's and sister's".
Thank you to InSearch (Bob, Deb, Jessica, Matt, Carrie and Mindy) for the beautiful cross you gave me. Such an appropriate gift from the ones who strengthened my faith. It now hangs on a wall in our bedroom. Ironically, I have been looking for quite some time to fill that space and now I know why I couldn't find it.
Thank you Jess - I listened to your song and it played on the radio a few times on our way up to Remsen. Loved it!
Thank you to Deb who stopped by on the worst night of my life, held my hand and cried with me. The food was delicious!
Thank you to Ruth who stopped by to bring me a new cup size and my favorite cookies! I am so lucky to have you in my life.
Thank you Brea for having me over at your house. Olivia still asks: "Can we go to Brea's house?" Thank you for sharing your journey with me.
Thank you Angie for your wig. I can't wait to wear my new color!
Thank you to Claudia for the beautiful prayer shawl.
Thank you Mark, Sara, Ellie and Keaton for the new iPAD cover. Pink is my new favorite color.
Thank you to my mother-in-law for the beautiful necklace. As soon as I put it on it felt like I joined a sorority!
Thank you to Judy and Rick for the Strength rock and picture. I am hoping one day Taya and I can throw that Strength rock in Lake Michigan when we no longer need it. American Girl here we come! =)
Thank you Stacy for the hearts. Olivia has already claimed the pink one and I know Steve carries his in his pocket. I am not sure I will ever get the pink one back from Olivia. =)
Thank you to Crystal for all the books and gifts....you spoil me too much! I have known Crystal for almost 20 years and she has been there for me in the best and worst of times. Thank you for your friendship.
Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me with the kids during my doctor's appointments. I have been extremely lucky to have you as my parents and even luckier to have your help.
Thank you to my husband Steve. I will never forget when we found out we couldn't have another child and how strong you were for me. His words as I remember were, "It will be okay. We will get through this. We need to get you better first." Steve still knows how to pull at my heart strings. Last week he downloaded a song on my new iPAD to remind me of his love for me and promised he will be by my side every step of the way. I love you!
Thank you God for all the wonderful friends and family you have surrounded me with. Sometimes our souls need to be recharged in times like this and just a word or two of encouragement is all it takes.
We celebrated Olivia's birthday in Remsen this weekend with the Pottebaum's. Tyler your performance was fantastic!
