Party for Pottebaum - Thank you Part 2

If I could pick a song for my journey through cancer this would be it.

My Mom sent this to me last week and it literally made me shed tears and
by the end I had snot dripping from my nose. 

 I am sure this is TMI (too much information) but it's true!

If I made a video for this event this is the song I would choose because

you have all shown your love for me and my family.  Thank you!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said "It is more to give than to receive."

Acts 20:35

Thank you for giving to our family in our time of weakness.  We plan to pay it forward when I am fully recovered by throwing a benefit for another cancer patient in the future.

Nicki Evans, Me, Angie Ross

Angie Ross and Julianne Spatz

I have known these three ladies since freshman year in highschool.  We were on cheerleading together freshman and sophomore year.  Julianne and I lived in the same dorm our freshman year in college and hung out quite a bit all through college and attended each other's weddings.  Angie went to Wayne State but I would visit another friend of mine Tricia Pugsley who lived with Angie at the time.  Tricia was there with her husband Dan but I didn't get a photo.  Nicki, Julianne, Angie and I spent a lot of time together in high school especially practicing for competitions and camps.  Love you ladies~!

Jeff and Kathi Scherzberg

Julianne introduced me to Kathi as they were in the same sorority Kappa Alpha Theta.  They called me an honorary member because I hung out with them so much I felt like I was part of the house.  I worked with Jeff at Main Street Cafe in Lincoln.  He was a bartender and I was one of the cocktail waitresses.  I introduced Kathi and Jeff one night while working and they tied the knot a few years later. They now have a beautiful little girl named Sabrina who is only one month older then my daughter Olivia.  =)

Angie, Kathi, Me, Diana, Julianne, Nicki and Karen

I met Diana and Karen both through Julianne.  Diana is her little sister and Karen was also in Kappa Alpha Theta with her.  Whenever we had competitions Diana was always there to support us.  I got to know Karen better the summer before my final year of college.  We had back to back economics classes crammed in to 3 weeks each.  We always would get lunch afterwards at Main Street and attempt to study.  We have stayed in touch since and I live vicariously through her and her roommate Dana.  So whenever I can go out (which is not much especially now-a-days) I always call to see where they will be.  When ever I meet them her brother Andrew usually joins us.

Karen and her brother Andrew

Sasha and Matt Speiker

It would not be a party without the Speikers!  Sasha also was part of the crew that would all go out in college.  Sasha and I have remained extremely close and talk at least two or three times a week.  I have known Matt longer then I have known Sasha.  I introduced the two many years ago and they now have three beautiful children Jack, Savanna and Sofia (My God daughter)

Marcy's Friend, Matt and Marcy

Marcy was a Theta as well and we had many good times in college.  She was so kind to come the party!  It has been years since I have seen her but she is the same old Marcy.

My sister Angie, Caci and Matt Liebentritt

Watching Angie's kids for the past 2 1/2 years I have gotten to know Caci, Matt and their four children, Barret, Chloe, Carson and Wyatt. Caci tripped on her stairs outside before she came to the party and was limping the whole time. They found out her foot was broke after taking her to the hospital! =(

Jeff and Kim Phillips

They are sporting the shirts they wore for the bike ride benefit in July and for RAGBRAI.  They were so kind to drive in from Remsen to show their support.  Thanks Weasel and Kim!

More to come!

My face is still the same...

I thought I was prepared for day when my hair would fall out.  Nothing feels worse then washing your hair and having it fall out in your hands.  I cried for at least 20 minutes in the bathroom and on the car ride out to my sister's house.  Finally, I decided crying was not going to solve my problem.  I immediately texted my friend and  hair dresser Brittany Lemen to shave my head. 

This is Brittany

I did schedule an appointment with her for Friday because I thought my hair would stay in longer...nope...14 days after your first chemotherapy treatment it will fall out.  Tomorrow will be 14 days.  I didn't want to watch my hair fall out on it's own so I decided to get rid of it myself.

I brought five of my closest friends, Cullen, Avery, Addison, Sully and Olivia.  They were very excited to come watch Auntie Em and momma shave her head.  Addison was the only one who was indifferent.  Brittany was so sweet to meet me last minute at Boss Studios where she has her own salon suite. 

The kids all sat down on the floor and I explained to them I was going to have Brittany shave my head.  She cut off my pony tail and started shaving. 

I wasn't to nervous until she started shaving the sides.  However, having all the control to take my hair off was so much better then watching it fall out on its own.  She left an inch of hair on my head and asked if I was ready to be like GI Jane and to just shave it all off.  I was so close but this was such a drastic change I thought I would hold off.  So I am not completely bald yet but this is by far the shortest haircut I have had in my life.  I have one inch of hair on my head which will completely be gone in about a week.  This is what it looks like from the back.

Brittany and I met in 2006 when we worked at Agency 89 Model and Talent Management.  Brittany was the Beauty coach teaching guys and gals how to do their own hair and make up.  I was the acting / business savvy coach.  We hit it off immediately and she has been cutting my hair ever since.  I have never colored my hair so I can't speak from experience, but she is also known for coloring hair.  So if you are looking for a great stylist click here and go to professionals you will find her number there.

Brittany gave me some great make up tricks for when my eyebrows fall out to make them look as natural as possible.  I will fill you in on what works and what doesn't work. 

I kept watching the kids in the mirror as all this was happening and the only one who was really watching was my 4 1/2 year old niece Addison.  She kept making weird faces and said she would like me much better with my wig on.  Cullen my 6 year old nephew and God child reminded Addison and myself of something so insightful...

"It's not a big deal, Auntie Em's face didn't change."  What a smart little boy.=)  Thanks C-DOG you made my day!

As we were finishing up my 2 year old daughter Olivia asked if she could get her head shaved too!  Which made us all laugh.  I am so glad I took the kids because it saves me a day or two of explaining what happened to my hair and scaring Olivia with my new look.  Olivia didn't even bat an eye.  I think when dealing with small children if you don't make it a big deal .... neither will they.  They haven't said a word about my hair since.  The lesson I learned from myself was when I had to explain to Addison she should never judge someone based on their appearance.  I told her she should always like someone for their personality and soul.

As soon as we finished we drove over to the Speiker's for a play date.  I wore one of my wigs and my friend Sasha said she couldn't even tell it was a wig.  I got two of my wigs at TLCdirect and another one from my friend Angie.  Her wig is from the Jessica Simpson line.  You will get to see me in all my new hats, wigs and rag dos over the next few months.  I am looking forward to it. 

Although I did not choose this look, I kind of like it!  I get out of the shower and my hair is dry!  Now I know what it is like to be a guy...they have it so easy.  This saves me an hour of blow drying and doing my hair.  Plus, the weather is hot now so it is extremely nice for summer to stay cool.  Never in my life time would I choose to shave my head, but since I have this opportunity I am going to enjoy it! 

So if you see me without my hair don't be shy to talk to me...my face is still the same and so is my soul.

At my second chemo treatment on Thursday, June 2nd

My 6th Sense

In 1989, when I was 10 years old I kept having a reoccurring dream about my grandpa Ringling.  At the time I didn't have a clue what my dream was telling me.  I would always see a man with dark, short hair and blue eyes.  The clearest blue eyes I have ever seen.  Each night the man would take me further into the dream and on the final night (I had the dream a total of 7 days) the man showed me everything through his bright blue eyes.  The scenes are a bit fuzzy now as I write this today but here are the main events in my dreams.  My grandpa Ringling was floating down a river with my cousin Kari in an inter tube.  At some point my grandpa told Kari to hold on to a branch while he went to go look for my aunt and grandmother.  I saw my grandpa floating down the river and his tube flipping over... he never came back up for air.  I could hear helicopters in the background and see my grandmother on a bench crying and hear my cousin Kari saying: "I think grandpa is dead."  I finally saw a fisherman pulling my grandpa's body out of the water.  I told my sister Angie about my dream and she said I was crazy. 

A day later we received a phone call.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I had just come home from my piano lesson and my dad was on the phone crying.  I was sitting by the bar downstairs close to the kitchen where my dad was talking.  When he got off the phone he told us that our grandpa Ringling had died.  Not only did he tell us of his passing but he told us the story of how he passed.  Ironically it was exactly like my dream.  My sister didn't think I was crazy any more.  Since then I always knew I had to read signs or dreams given to me because they were glimpses of what was going to happen to me in the future.  I learned to follow my instincts because they were usually right.

I have many other stories and signs which I plan to tell if they are fitting to the situation.  These next few stories lead me up to today and how they will help me through my fight with breast cancer.

In 2003, I decided to apply for a recruiter's assistant position at a company called InSearch.  It was the only position I applied for at the time as my "6th sense" was telling me to go for it.  I was qualified for the position, maybe a little over qualified.  You see,  I was a recruiter for another company and I just wasn't happy.  The position I was in and the company I was working for were just not "clicking".  I thought if I started a little lower in the ranks and learned the ropes I could eventually become a recruiter again. Thank God I got the position because I quit my current job before I had an offer.

I started in January of 2004 as a recruiter's assistant.  I loved the job because it used my organizational and communication skills and at the same time I learned from some of the best recruiters in the business.  InSearch went through a lot of changes while I was there and eventually a position opened up for me to be a recruiter.  I was more then ready to try again.  At first I wasn't so sure I was going to do well because I had some pretty big shoes to fill.  The last person who was in the position left to start her own recruiting business.  To my surprise, I worked hard and started to see positive results....a LOT of placements and revenue coming in.  I just kept my head down and kept focusing on the revenue coming in and I always exceeded my goals but I was never really happy in the position. It never really satisfied my soul. 

One day, I threw my hands up and told my boss I was done.  I no longer wanted to be a recruiter.   The scary part was I had not a clue what I was going to do with my life.  I just knew I didn't want to be a recruiter.  Not because I wasn't successful..I actually was pretty good...it just didn't make me happy. We worked it out so I could still stay at InSearch and hired another recruiter in my position.  My boss created a position for me as an Office Manager / Recruiter's Assistant.  I knew I wouldn't stay at InSearch forever but it was a nice transition until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.

While I worked at InSearch I got to know two of the recruiters named Ruth and Deb and my boss, Bob.  Extremely kind people and strong in their faith.  They never threw it in your face but if you asked, they would help guide you with religion.

Deb and I sat across from each other and her son had recently passed away.  Deb would occasionally talk about her son and how her faith got her through her dark moments.  I have always admired Deb's strength and ability to relate to other people.  One piece of advice I remember Deb telling me is I could always go back to work.  Deb encouraged me from time to time to leave InSearch when I found out I was pregnant with Olivia.  She always said I will never get that time back.  I am so glad I listened to Deb.

Ruth is someone I have always looked up to as a role model.  She is always composed, dressed nice, perfect make up and hair and to top it off she is the kindest person I have ever met.  Ruth would on occasion invite the office to listen to speakers at her church and all of us (the ladies) would go.

The last speaker Ruth, Deb and I went to was right before I left InSearch and the speaker taught us how to pray.  I never knew there was a certain way to pray..no one had ever taught me.  Since then I vowed to try it and see if God really answers my prayers.  Ruth and I would have our own meetings at Panera and we would disscus the results. We came to the conclusion God does answer all our prayers but it is only on his terms.  Try it!  Write down your prayers for yourself and others and over time he does answer them all.

I was born and raised catholic so I had read from the Bible in church but I never actually bought one until Bob reintroduced me to the Bible my last year at InSearch.  Bob would have a men's group every Friday before the office would open and he and his friends would discuss the Bible and how it applied to their life.  I would sometimes ask Bob about the Bible and his thoughts about life and he always had fascinating answers to help me in my current situation.  I remember one of our conversations that has stuck with me today.  "If something in your life is not feeding your soul, then it is God's way of telling you to move on."  So I did.  Thanks Bob.  =)
 
I believe I was guided to work at InSearch to strengthen my faith which will help me fight and beat cancer!

In February 2009, I left InSearch to pursue motherhood (Thanks for the advice Deb) as I was pregnant with Steve's and my first child.  My sister Angie was looking for a nanny and she thought it would be a good fit for me to watch her four children while I raised Olivia.  I thought it was a great idea!  I could still stay home with Olivia and play with my nieces and nephews.  At the time Sully was 5 months old, Addie was 2 1/2, Cullen and Avery were three months shy of their 4th birthday.  Olivia was born April 7, 2009.  Although at first it was a challenge and tested my patience watching my sister's kids and Olivia was the best decision I made.  Olivia and all my sister's kids are so close they miss each other if we go on separate vacations or are apart for more then a weekend.

I believe I was guided to raise Olivia with Angie's kids because Olivia will never have a sibling of her own.  Steve and I found out last Wednesday (March 23) I can no longer carry a child.  The chances of the cancer coming back and killing me are extremely high.  I was sad and disappointed at the news because Steve and I decided we wanted baby #2 a month before we found out I had cancer.  Ironically, I have said for a while before this news I would be okay with just Olivia if that was all God could give us.  She is probably the best gift God could ever give me and to top it off she is healthy!  I always thought I would have two children but maybe it is not in God's plan.  God surrounded Olivia and me with my sister's kids to give Olivia the "siblings" she needs and the children I want....but the good news is it will be less expensive! ;)

I have learned through all this that my life is not my own.  The decisions I make for myself are all for God's plan.  My 6th sense works, maybe I knew all along Steve and I would have one child.  I am realizing now more then ever, my words and thoughts are coming true as I go through this experience.  I am just so thankful for the wonderful people at InSearch who helped strengthen my faith, my sister and brother-in-law who have allowed me to help raise their children giving Olivia her "brother's and sister's".

Thank you to InSearch (Bob, Deb, Jessica, Matt, Carrie and Mindy) for the beautiful cross you gave me.  Such an appropriate gift from the ones who strengthened my faith.  It now hangs on a wall in our bedroom.  Ironically, I have been looking for quite some time to fill that space and now I know why I couldn't find it.

Thank you Jess - I listened to your song and it played on the radio a few times on our way up to Remsen.  Loved it!

Thank you to Deb who stopped by on the worst night of my life, held my hand and cried with me.  The food  was delicious! 

Thank you to Ruth who stopped by to bring me a new cup size and my favorite cookies!  I am so lucky to have you in my life. 

Thank you Brea for having me over at your house.  Olivia still asks:  "Can we go to Brea's house?"  Thank you for sharing your journey with me.

Thank you Angie for your wig.  I can't wait to wear my new color!

Thank you to Claudia for the beautiful prayer shawl.

Thank you Mark, Sara, Ellie and Keaton for the new iPAD cover.  Pink is my new favorite color.

Thank you to my mother-in-law for the beautiful necklace.  As soon as I put it on it felt like I joined a sorority!

Thank you to Judy and Rick for the Strength rock and picture.  I am hoping one day Taya and I can throw that Strength rock in Lake Michigan when we no longer need it.  American Girl here we come! =)

Thank you Stacy for the hearts.  Olivia has already claimed the pink one and I know Steve carries his in his pocket.  I am not sure I will ever get the pink one back from Olivia. =)

Thank you to Crystal for all the books and gifts....you spoil me too much!  I have known Crystal for almost 20 years and she has been there for me in the best and worst of times.  Thank you for your friendship.

Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me with the kids during my doctor's appointments.  I have been extremely lucky to have you as my parents and even luckier to have your help.

Thank you to my husband Steve.  I will never forget when we found out we couldn't have another child and how strong you were for me.  His words as I remember were, "It will be okay.  We will get through this.  We need to get you better first."  Steve still knows how to pull at my heart strings.  Last week he downloaded a song on my new iPAD to remind me of his love for me and promised he will be by my side every step of the way.  I love you!

Thank you God for all the wonderful friends and family you have surrounded me with.  Sometimes our souls need to be recharged in times like this and just a word or two of encouragement is all it takes.

We celebrated Olivia's birthday in Remsen this weekend with the Pottebaum's.  Tyler your performance was fantastic!

Olivia with her cousins Taya and Alexis

Olivia with her cousins Taya and Mya

Big Hug!