I am done with Chemo!!!!

I am happy to report after 5 months, 16 sessions and countless hours,  I finished my last chemotherapy session this afternoon at 4:40 p.m.!!! Yay! I have not been this excited in years. To know that the worst is over and I only have radiation and one more surgery left puts a HUGE smile on my face. Normally I need to take a nap after chemo (because the drugs they give me before the chemo knocks me out) but today I can't sleep. I want to celebrate! I could not have gotten through chemo without the love and support from all my family and friends. Chemo drivers...THANK YOU so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to take me to and from chemo. You know who you are!  My advice to anyone going through chemo:  If you are fortunate enough to have the love and support of friends and family ask them to be your chemo driver.  It was so hard to go out of the house after chemo sessions because of fatigue, nausea and the fear of getting sick.  Because I had a new chemo driver every week I got to see friends I hadn't seen in a while.  Instead of dreading chemo, I looked forward to it because I knew I would get to hang out with friends and family.  I do have to give a special shout out to three people:

Chemo Session #15- October 8, 2011

Deb Bothof took me to a few chemos and stopped by my house every week to see how I was doing.

Chemo Session #15 - October 8, 2011
Lyndsey Foster signed up for my second chemo session but came to 14 sessions!

There is one thing that I learned about Deb and Lyndsey...they are caretakers and all they wanted to do is take care of me.  I never expected them to go above and beyond but that is who they are as people, kind, loving and generous....angels sent,  to get me through chemo. =)  Love you both! 

Chemo Session #15 - October 8, 2011
My mom - Doesn't she look great?!
My mom has been there for me since day one of diagnosis. 
She watched the kids when I couldn't up until she was diagnosed with
cancer.  We talk on a daily basis and she is doing fantastic!
 Maybe our twins (aka: our ta ta's) will be born in the same month?

I will have 33 radiation treatments (Monday - Friday for 6 1/2 weeks) that will start on Halloween. The side effects do not compare to chemo so it will be a breeze! These past two weeks have been busy. I am working on a business plan for my non-profit organization.  "Auntie Em's Angels" will educate cancer patients on the importance of eating healthy and exercising during and after cancer treatment. I want to create awareness for everyone to prevent cancer. What you put in your body and how you take care of yourself can and will prevent cancer from starting in the first place.

I met with Tonee Gay, Executive Director with Midlands Community Foundation and we will be partners. They take care of the accounting and some of the marketing pieces and I can focus on fundraising and creating the programs that need to be in place. Hopefully I will have the website up in the next few weeks so you can see what we are doing! =)  My friend Lyndsey Foster is going to help develop some of the programs too!  I am looking forward to my new journey and hope to help as many people as I can! =)

Here are more pics from the past couple of weeks.

My sister added to her family!
Meet Lulu, isn't she cute?
She is a maltese / yorkie

Komen Walk - with my nieces and nephews
Cullen, Avery, Sully and Addison

My sister Angie with the kids

My general surgeon was there...Dr.Grange
I was suppose to be at a breakfast the day before for cancer survivors
I missed it and Dr. Grange informed me that I won $150 Gift Certificate
to a clothing boutique...but I had to be present to win....=(
Darn it!  I shouldn't have slept in!

My friend Sasha ran while I walked around the venue.
Sasha runs for her Aunt every year who passed away from breast cancer 2 years ago.

Vala's Pumpkin patch
Paxton and Olivia

Me, Olivia and Steve

Travis, Paxton, Olivia and Michelle

Thank you to my Aunt Vicki for the new cup and nail polish!

Thank you to the nurses of Midlands Cancer Center!

MY LAST CHEMO SESSION - #16 is my new favorite number!
Lyndsey, me, Deb and Steve

Thank you to my husband Steve for taking care of me and Olivia, you do such a great job and I could not get through this without you.

Thank you to all our friends and family for your love and support - We are truly blessed!

Chemo #11 & #12 / Thank you Party for Pottebaum / Cure for Cancer?

A CURE FOR CANCER!!! NANOTECHNOLOGY  Check this video out!  They are in the testing stages but at 100% for curing 40 types of cancer.  It starts talking about it 4 minutes and 40 seconds in to the presentation,

Chemo #11 - Thursday, September 8, 2011

My friend Emmy Reilly was so kind to take me to chemo this week.  I met Emmy through my husband Steve.  Steve was roommates with Chris who was best friends with Nolan who married Emmy.  We also get together to watch Husker football!  Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to drive and sit with me for chemo Emmy!  XOXO!

As always my friend Lyndsey stopped out to say hello. =)

Me and Emmy

Saturday, September 10, 2011 - Zoo with the Pottebaum's and Delperdangs.

We spent the day with Steve's parents, his brother Brian's family and his sister Judy's family.  We went back to their hotel to swim and eat dinner.  It was great to see you and catch up!

Cousins!
Back: Lexi and Haley
Front: Will, Olivia, Mya and Taya

Olivia, Mya and Taya looking cool in their shades!

Olivia and Steve throwing food to the fish.

Jessica and Taya
You can see Brian and Mya in the back ground

Chemo #12 - Thursday, September 15, 2011

Deb Bothof took me and Lyndsey Foster dropped me off.  Deb is always stopping by to check up on me and Lyndsey does the same with phone calls and stopping by to see me at all my chemos.  It means the world to me ladies that you would take so much of your time to check up on me.  Love you!

THANK YOU to Todd Glorvick for the generous gift card to HyVee and donation to the American Cancer Society!  Todd and I went to high school and college together.  Now that he lives in Minnesota we meet up in Chicago every year along with a few others to go to a cubs game and catch up. Thanks Todd!  Can't wait to celebrate my recovery next year! =)

Thank you - PARTY for Pottebaum

I met all these wonderful people through my husband Steve.  He met them while he was an athletic trainer for the Husker football team.

Jay Terry, Trevor Svoboda, Doak Ostergard, Chris McQuillan, Al Recker, Steve and Nolan Reilly.

Travis Havlovic, Me and Steve

Julie and Tim Reimer

Denise Havlovic, Michelle Havlovic, Nicole Zitek

Al and Sara Recker, Heather and Jay Terry

Michelle Havlovic, Me, Heather McQuillan, Stacy Nelson

Kevin Havlovic and Travis Havlovic



Lindsay Vodicka and Michelle Havlovick
Lindsay's husband Brent came too...I didn't get his picture =(

Thank you for coming out to support us!  We love you all!

Chemotherapy #8 & #9

It seems like since I stopped watching the kids I have more things to accomplish and less time to write.  I am starting to focus on myself and making sure I never get cancer again.  My weeks have been filled with lunch dates with friends I haven't seen in a while, play dates, exploring new business adventures, many trips to the grocery store, (I am learning new ways to eat healthy).  I also crave different foods on a weekly basis with fruits and vegetables being a constant craving.  I use to drink hot chocolate everyday and I have not craved this since I was diagnosed and started chemotherapy.  I am not at a 100% but instead of taking care of 5 kids I am taking care of myself and I am noticing a huge difference in my overall energy.  I can wake up at 7 a.m. and go all day without a nap.  When I was watching the kids I had to take a nap when they took a nap.

My right hand is getting better!  My fingers are still numb but they are bending and there is no more  pain.  My grip is getting tighter which is making easier to open milk jugs and twisting off lids.  I am praying my hand comes back soon!  I miss it so much.=)

Although I do not have hair...I do not mind.  It definitely saves me an hour a day of not having to brush, blow dry, curl or straighten.  Another bonus...I do not have to shave!  I use to shave my legs everyday and now I get to skip this step, it has not grown in months.  If bald was in I would keep it but I noticed I was a little jealous when Steve and I went to the Keith Urban concert.  There I was in my black short wig looking at all the girls who had long locks wishing for that one night I had my hair.  I have heard when my hair grows back, it could be a different color.  My only request...is it does not come in grey! 

I feel like I am an old lady!  I get hot flashes all the time!  One minute I could have a sweatshirt on and the next I am tearing it off and putting on shorts and a t-shirt.  I have not had my period in months which is why I am getting hot flashes.  My body is going through an early menopause!  Once I stop chemotherapy and radiation is complete my body should go back to normal.  Why am I telling you this? Because this is the truth about cancer patients and undergoing chemotherapy changes everything in your body. 

Thursday, August 18 - Teresa Bednar and Deb Bothof drove me to chemotherapy.  As always my friend Lyndsey stopped out to say hello!  I did not get pics of Teresa and Lyndsey..=(  This was not on purpose I just forgot.  That is what happens when you get wrapped up in good conversations.

Deb and Me
Deb was so kind to take me to the movie "The Help"
last week.  It was a fantastic movie!  I highly recommend seeing it.

Thursday, August 25 - Jessica Monestero and Deb Bothof drove me to chemotherapy.

I forgot my camera for my chemo session.
Here is Jessica and her husband Paul the night
of Party for Pottebaum.  So great to see you!
Can you believe they had twins?  Jess looks fantastic!

Teresa, Deb and Jess are the ladies I met while working at InSearch.  Teresa is the wife of my former boss Bob.  We also had a lunch date for Ruth's birthday and got to catch up on their kids and life in general.

Jessica and I were co-workers at InSearch and she took over my desk when I decided to stop recruiting.  It was like old times in the "bull pin" giving each other advice on life and catching up on the happenings at InSearch.

I have the pleasure of seeing Deb once a week as she drops off fresh produce to my house.  Deb is always bringing me candy, cookies and food.  This her attempt to fatten me up!  I use to crave chocolate all the time but since starting chemotherapy I could live without it.  It is nice to try something sweet every once in a while.  Another bonus, Olivia would never go up to Deb only because she didn't know her that well.  Now when Deb comes Olivia greets her at the door and takes her back to her room to play.  =)

I am over the hump!  I only have 7 chemotherapy sessions left!  October 13th (my last chemotherapy session) will be here soon and I can't wait!

Thank you to my drivers, friends and family for your continued love and support.  Steve, Olivia and I could not get through this without you.

Chemo #7 / Update on my mom

Two Emily Jane's in the same room at the same time usually means trouble!  My friend Emily Westering was so kind to drive in from Kansas City, MO to take me to my chemotherapy treatment.  Our middle names ironically are both Jane (I think hers is spelled Jayne like her mother's first name=)).  I have known Emily my entire life.  Our parents have been friends for years and consider them as an extension of my family.  Emily and I bonded 10 years ago when our families, the Bode's and the Wolf's all went on a trip to CABO San Lucas.  We were joined at the hip after our first evening out together and created fun lasting memories I will never forget.  One of the best stories from that trip is when most of us went four wheeling and I decided to get a fake tattoo.  I wanted to scare the crap out of my mother as a practical joke. My dad paid for me to  get a wrap around (fake) tattoo on my arm.  Everyone was in on the joke (with the exception my mom).  The story was Emily and I went out with Tommy, Alex, John, Billy and Matt and they talked me in to getting a tattoo.

When we got back from four wheeling and to the pool where my mom was laying out I wore a t-shirt to cover the tattoo.  When she caught wind of story she pulled me aside and oooooh was she mad!  I was kicked out of my sister's wedding that was happening in a few months and was pretty much disowned.  She went up to the hotel room fuming and my dad went up to see how she was doing.  My dad broke the news to her that it was fake because she wanted to fly back home.  Long story short my mom did not fly home and we enjoyed the rest of the trip.  Since then Emily and I have stayed in touch and I always look forward to seeing and catching up with her.  Thank you so much Emily for coming this weekend for the benefit and to taking me to chemo!  Love you!

Emily and Me

My friend Lyndsey who has stopped by for almost all of my chemo sessions gave me an awesome gift!

"Yes They're Fake.  The Real Ones Tried to Kill Me!"
LOVE IT!

Thanks Lynz!  Love You!

Please keep Lyndsey and her family in your prayers.  She is flying to Arizona this weekend to get her grandfather who has Alzheimer's and moving him back to Omaha.

I didn't get a picture but Deb Bothof stopped by to drop off vegetables and an adorable make up bag.  Thank you Deb!  I love it! =)  Ironically I have been experimenting with make up this week.  I am losing my eye brows and eye lashes so if you haven't noticed I have a lot more make up on these days.

I am using Anastasia's brow ex-press  to "paint" on my brows and switched my makeup to Bare Minerals.  Bare Minerals is an all natural make up and is really good for your skin.  Chemo has made my skin ultra sensitive and so far this make up has worked for me.  You don't have to order Bare Minerals online any more there is a store at Westroads called Bare Escentuals that sells all the Bare Minerals makeup.  Sonja a makeup artist help me find the best shades and eye makeup for me.  http://www.bareescentuals.com/

A special thank you to:

Sara McGee for the Angel charm to go on my bracelet.  I will wear it to the benefit on Saturday.

Denise and Roger Friesen for the very nice note and healthy drinks!  I haven't tried them yet.  I have to wait until the chemo side effects wear off.  If I try them to soon I won't want to drink them. =) 

Chrissy and Jason Bailey for the generous donation.  Chrissy and I have known each other since 2nd grade and were super close growing up all the way through high school.  We were also on dance team together junior and senior year.  I met her husband Jason in junior high and back then Jason was known as "PACO".  I am not sure how he got that name but I still remember the night Chrissy and Jason met in the garage of our friend Heather's house.  They started dating, went to college together and soon after were married.  We haven't seen each other in a while but it is always good to hear from old friends that knew me "back in the day!" =)  Love you guys!

Jason and Chrissy

Carey and Sean Keenan for the generous donation.  I started hanging out with Carey the summer before 8th grade and we spent a lot of time together in high school.  We experienced all our growing pains together and we got each other through it.  Carey has a daughter named Olivia too!  So good to hear from you Carey!  Thank you!

The Keenan's

Jill Dolnicek for your generous donation!  Jill was known to me as GILL!  We were silly back in high school and if we had a nick name that was funny we would use it.  Jill was a year younger then me but we became close the summer before my senior year.  We were on dance team together and when she started her freshmen year in Lincoln we were roommates.  We still see each other when I travel to Chicago once a year.  Love you Jill---see you next year when I am recovered, healthy and in CHICAGO! =)

Me and Jill (August 2010)

My mom's surgery is scheduled for September 7.  She will have a double mastectomy and reconstruction.  Her recovery will be up to six weeks and several months for the reconstruction.  Please pray she will not need chemotherapy or radiation.

Love you Momma!

one...twO...THREE.....KNOCKOUT! (Chemo #3)

Oh what a week this has been!  I have been extremely, fatigued, nauseous and angry to write.  I thought if I give it a day or two so I could clear my head .

I will start from the beginning....

My index and middle finger have been completely numb since my first surgery in April.  When Dr. Grange put my chemo port in my right arm it hit a nerve knocking out feeling and movement.  This makes it extremely difficult to do everyday tasks I use to take for granted.  Writing, typing, opening jars, slicing food...you get the idea.  Let's just say I have adapted to my new life style.  Since then I can now crack eggs with my left hand, but that doesn't mean I don't want my right hand back!  I WANT my right hand back!

Since then I met with Dr. Tiedemann a hand surgeon with GIKK who then referred me to a neurologist Dr. Weber.  We need to find out if my nerve will come back on it's own or if I will need another surgery to repair it.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

12:00 p.m

I met with Dr. Weber a neurologist who did a series of tests which included electric shocks and needles going in and out of my arm and hand.  OUCH!  Let's just say when I left his office I didn't want to go back.  Dr. Weber said he would have my results at the end of the day and I would find out once I met with Dr. Tiedemann.

2:00 p.m.

Chemotherapy #3

My good friend Gretchen took me this time.  I have known Gretchen since junior high but we became much better friends the summer before we started high school.  We would enjoy long afternoons in her swimming pool, taco and pizza night when I would stay with her family when my parents were out of town.  Gretchen and I were also on junior varsity cheerleading our sophomore year in high school.  I paid it forward and trained Gretchen since I had one year under my belt.  In return Gretchen found us our new coach Jenna who was a former dance teamer.  She trained with us everyday for metros in which we placed first in our division and first place overall winning the entire competition which included varsity squads.  We were the #1 squad in the Omaha Metro area.  That was such a fun year! 

From there we went to college and when I met my husband Steve, we all found out Gretchen's family was related!  Steve and Gretchen are second cousins.  Gretchen's mom Nancy (Pottebaum) Ballard's dad and Steve's Grandpa are brothers!  It was funny because when I first started dating Steve I kept forgetting his last name so I would always call Gretchen and ask. When I did forget I would always say Steve's last name was Potterybarn.  =)

Gretchen is expecting baby #2 a Boy!

Our friend Lyndsey stopped by to hang out too!

Friday, June 17, 2011    

Happy 39th Anniversary to my parents! 

Happy Anniversary to Lyndsey and Jerid Foster!

1:00 p.m.  Get my nuelasta shot
3:00 p.m.  Get my ta ta's filled

4:00 p.m.  Down for the count

Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday I was sawing logs.  I could barely lift my head, eat or drink anything without dry heaving.

Tuesday, June 21 , 2011

I thought I was back for the week to spend with the kids.  Today we spent the entire day indoors because it was raining.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Started getting sick with cough and sore throat.   Thank God my mom is on call she came to relieve me for the rest of the week so I don't get sick.  I called the nurses line at my oncologist and it took an entire day of me calling back at least 6 times to get an antibiotic.  LONG story here but lets just say the nurses line at my oncologist needs a lot of HELP! 

Thursday, June 24, 2011

12:20 PM

Met with Dr. Tiedemann to get my results for my hand.  Of course he said my median nerve in my right hand has a partial cut so I will need surgery.  UGH!  As he was talking about the procedure I was fighting back tears.  How in the heck am I going to be able to do chemo and have a surgery thrown in the mix.

4:30 PM  I was feeling awful so I went to my oncologist to get fluids and nausea medicine.  Dr. Thome' said I could have the surgery.  He would just administer a 1/3 of the dose on my 4th round. 

After sleeping on it I made the executive decision to not do chemotherapy next week.  There is no way my body is going to handle chemotherapy and surgery within hours of each other.  I am taking CONTROL.  My body...My decision!

I am also researching alternative treatments outside of chemo and radiation.  If you know of any doctors, books or websites to alternative treatments send them my way!

I know chemo is suppose to work but I hate feeling like crap.  I want to feel healthy and energetic like I use to! =)

Friday, June 24, 2011

Scheduled my hand surgery with Dr. Tiedemann for Friday, July 1, 2011.  I tried to cancel my chemotherapy with Dr. Thome's nurses and once again no one called me back.  So when I don't show up for my session next Thursday I might get their attention!

Please pray for my hand to come back and for a safe and successful surgery.

Don't forget!  Today is the last day you can vote for my friend Melissa G. to win $2500 to donate to Susan G. Koman! https://www.mkmakeovercontest.com  There are 9 Melissa G's so here is a picture of Melissa.  I couldn't get the one from the website to work...I am sure you all are smart enough to figure it out!  =)  I have known Melissa since high school.  We were on dance team my junior and senior year and were roomies in college my sophomore year.  Please support Melissa on her quest to win $2500 for Susan G. Komen! 

This is Melissa G!

Thank you to:

Jeff, Traci, Mia, Sam and Ava for the Papa Murphy's pizza, the adorable hat and sign!

John and Joan Allen for the delicious ribs and potato salad.

Sara Rogers for the delicious dinner!  Tomatoes with feta cheese and Chicken pitas!

Deb Bothof and Matt Edstrand for the organic produce and rice crispy treats.

My sister-in-law Jessica for the generous donation to Susan G. Komen of Iowa in my name.

Melissa Gregory for entering a contest to win $2500 to donate to Susan  G. Komen in my name!

My sister for watching Olivia Wednesday night.

My Mom for always watching the kids when I am to sick or weak.  Love you Momma!

Thank you to all our friends and family for all your love, support and prayers!

Thank You

I can't get over how generous you all have been!  Thank you to:

Brian and Emily Penke
for their generous cash
donation!  Brian and I go
way back!  Our parents went
to high school together and
many moons later Brian
and I went to high school together!

Lyndsey, Jerid, Haili and Alexa Foster
For dinner, the cookbook and company.
Thanks for checking in to see how I am
feeling and coming to my 2nd chemo
treatment.  I have written more on
Lyndsey and I growing up....coming soon!





Thank you to Betty and Bruce Bode.  We loved the chicken and rice dish and will enjoy all the soup you made for many weeks to come!  Betty you always think of everything!  Thank you for taking the time to make all the food.  Thanks for bringing it over Bruce!

Thank you Deb Bothof!  Deb brought us meat to last the entire memorial weekend.  We LOVED it!  I ate almost all the rice krispy treats which was probably a good thing...I need to gain some weight.  I love the journal you gave me...it is amazing how it relates to my own life.  Thank you!!!

Thank you to Emily Klaur and Nicki McMahon for the comfy clothes and adorable hat!  I hope we can have a play date soon!  =)

Thank you to my Aunt Linde and Uncle Terry who dropped off the best bacon!  OMG!  I LOVE it!

Ruth your enchiladas were a hit!  Steve and Olivia loved them.  I can't wait to try them later on in the week.  We have not dug in to the brownies yet, but I plan to bring them to my sister's to share with the kids. 

Thank you to Gretchen and her mom Nancy who dropped off a fruit platter, lasagna and dessert.  Gretchen just found out she is having a BOY!  James will make a wonderful big brother..he is adorable! 

Thank you to Sasha who gave me the Sex and the City movie...we need to make a date night to watch it Sushi!  =)

Thank you will never be enough and I want you to know that your kindness is helping me and my family get through this "cancer" thing so much easier. 

XOXO

Thank You Pt. 2

More Thank you's to:

Travis & Michelle Havlovic - Fantastic Sandwiches, Olivia and I ate the ice cream and we have yet to eat the cheese cake.

Crystal Crowley - For lunch and dinner. Loved the chicken salad, pulled pork and dessert! Steve drank all the beer. ;)

Lynn, George, Caleb and Noah Nelson- Thanks for the visit and lunch and dinner. I will be sharing the meals with my sister's family this week....Steve can't wait for the dessert! It's amazing what you find out when you get to know your neighbors. Lynn is a cancer survivor! She had it as a child and was told she could never have children. God has blessed her and George with two gorgeous boys.

Betty and Bruce Bode - Thank you for the Beef stroganoff, cherry jello, green beans and brownies. I will need to get the recipe or Steve might be stopping by your house unexpectedly for dinner. Steve said it is now his new favorite.

My aunt Patty for sending us a generous cash donation

Ron and Jan Brown for send a generous cash donation

Lance and Jenny Howe for the gift card to Applebees

Melissa Gregory (a dear friend from high school, dance team and a college roommate) Thank you for my comfy robe, socks and pillow.

Pam Sloan for sending a generous cash donation

Rosy Conrad for the gift card to HyVee

Dave, Pam, Austin, Madison and Derek Pottebaum for the beautiful "surrounded by love" Willow Tree.

Emily Gardels for all the DVD movies. My favorites...Chick flicks and romantic comedies.

Colleen Ballard, Sara Smith and Beth Hazen Thank you for the pedicure and ice cream.

Kim and Mary McGee - Thank you for the cookies and candy! Mary just had surgery for thyroid cancer. Please keep her in your prayers. Kim and Mary are the parents of my sister's husband Dave.

Ben, Nicole, Kayln and Ryder Harrington - Thank you for the gift card to Target.

Pam and Tim Hoffman - Thank you for the angel light.

Deb and John Bothof - Thank you for the plant. I have it out at my sister's house. That way I know it won't die. (I do not have a green thumb =)

THANK YOU!

Happy 2nd Birthday Olivia! 

We had some visitors tonight!

My boss from InSearch Bob and his family!  They were so kind to bring Olivia a birthday present and a gift card to Charlie's on the Lake and a book for me to read called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers.  Teresa and Bob both read the book and said once they started they couldn't put it down.   I am going to start reading it after my surgery since I won't be able to move for 3-4 weeks!

THANK YOU Bednars!!!

Bob, Collin, Olivia, Me, Teresa and Andrew

THANK YOU Claudia Larsen who made me a rosary bracelet.  I have never met Claudia but she is the aunt to Nancy (Pick) Murphy who is a former class mate of Steve.

This is the letter she sent with it:

"One year I received a bracelet like this for my birthday.  It resembles the Rosary we Catholics pray as a special devotion to the Blessed Mother.  I loved it so much I decided to make a much smaller one such as this for my sister who was going on a mission outside the country.  I had it blessed by my parish priest and asked her slip it into her pocket, to wear it when she could and to pray it - to bring her home safe.  She did and has since passed it around to her friends and family members on special occasions when they needed "protection" as well, and now I make them for people to enjoy and bring them comfort.

Not everyone that wears it is Catholic, so we have renamed it from a Rosary to simply a "Prayer" Bracelet.

The largest metal bead represents the Apostle's Creed, or otherwise known as the Profession of Faith.  The first three little "stand alone" beads are in petition for an increase of faith, hop and love.  each of the other metal beads represents the Our Father which the dear Lord gave to all faiths as the perfect form of prayer.  the five sets of ten beads can be used for whatever prayer is special to you.  this is what makes it your bracelet.

The last metal bead at he end is the best - this is my "Prayer Box" I've added.  This is where you put your secrets,your worries and your wishes.  you put them in this little box and give them back to God to take care of because that's the safest place for them.  Enjoy..."

THANK YOU to the Krolls for the gift card to Whole Foods.  Melissa and I went to high school together and it was such a pleasant surprise to get her card and gift in the mail.  THANK YOU!

Justin, Maida, Melissa and Harper
Congratulations on your newest addition!  She is gorgeous!!!

Thank you in advance to Jen Fehringer, Kathy Knickrehm, Deanna Wolf, Crystal Crowley, Joan Allen and my aunt Linde who all signed up to bring Steve and I food after my surgery.  This will help Steve out a lot!!! =)

Thank you to Deb and John Bothof who brought me a blanket to keep me warm during my chemotherapy treatments.  It is PINK my new favorite color. 

Thank you to Travis and Michelle for offering to watch our dogs Jake and Elwood when I am in the hospital.  We LOVE you guys!!

Michelle, Travis and baby Paxton!!

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, cards and prayers.  I can't begin to tell you how much it is appreciated and how grateful I am to have such wonderful family and friends. =)

My 6th Sense

In 1989, when I was 10 years old I kept having a reoccurring dream about my grandpa Ringling.  At the time I didn't have a clue what my dream was telling me.  I would always see a man with dark, short hair and blue eyes.  The clearest blue eyes I have ever seen.  Each night the man would take me further into the dream and on the final night (I had the dream a total of 7 days) the man showed me everything through his bright blue eyes.  The scenes are a bit fuzzy now as I write this today but here are the main events in my dreams.  My grandpa Ringling was floating down a river with my cousin Kari in an inter tube.  At some point my grandpa told Kari to hold on to a branch while he went to go look for my aunt and grandmother.  I saw my grandpa floating down the river and his tube flipping over... he never came back up for air.  I could hear helicopters in the background and see my grandmother on a bench crying and hear my cousin Kari saying: "I think grandpa is dead."  I finally saw a fisherman pulling my grandpa's body out of the water.  I told my sister Angie about my dream and she said I was crazy. 

A day later we received a phone call.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I had just come home from my piano lesson and my dad was on the phone crying.  I was sitting by the bar downstairs close to the kitchen where my dad was talking.  When he got off the phone he told us that our grandpa Ringling had died.  Not only did he tell us of his passing but he told us the story of how he passed.  Ironically it was exactly like my dream.  My sister didn't think I was crazy any more.  Since then I always knew I had to read signs or dreams given to me because they were glimpses of what was going to happen to me in the future.  I learned to follow my instincts because they were usually right.

I have many other stories and signs which I plan to tell if they are fitting to the situation.  These next few stories lead me up to today and how they will help me through my fight with breast cancer.

In 2003, I decided to apply for a recruiter's assistant position at a company called InSearch.  It was the only position I applied for at the time as my "6th sense" was telling me to go for it.  I was qualified for the position, maybe a little over qualified.  You see,  I was a recruiter for another company and I just wasn't happy.  The position I was in and the company I was working for were just not "clicking".  I thought if I started a little lower in the ranks and learned the ropes I could eventually become a recruiter again. Thank God I got the position because I quit my current job before I had an offer.

I started in January of 2004 as a recruiter's assistant.  I loved the job because it used my organizational and communication skills and at the same time I learned from some of the best recruiters in the business.  InSearch went through a lot of changes while I was there and eventually a position opened up for me to be a recruiter.  I was more then ready to try again.  At first I wasn't so sure I was going to do well because I had some pretty big shoes to fill.  The last person who was in the position left to start her own recruiting business.  To my surprise, I worked hard and started to see positive results....a LOT of placements and revenue coming in.  I just kept my head down and kept focusing on the revenue coming in and I always exceeded my goals but I was never really happy in the position. It never really satisfied my soul. 

One day, I threw my hands up and told my boss I was done.  I no longer wanted to be a recruiter.   The scary part was I had not a clue what I was going to do with my life.  I just knew I didn't want to be a recruiter.  Not because I wasn't successful..I actually was pretty good...it just didn't make me happy. We worked it out so I could still stay at InSearch and hired another recruiter in my position.  My boss created a position for me as an Office Manager / Recruiter's Assistant.  I knew I wouldn't stay at InSearch forever but it was a nice transition until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.

While I worked at InSearch I got to know two of the recruiters named Ruth and Deb and my boss, Bob.  Extremely kind people and strong in their faith.  They never threw it in your face but if you asked, they would help guide you with religion.

Deb and I sat across from each other and her son had recently passed away.  Deb would occasionally talk about her son and how her faith got her through her dark moments.  I have always admired Deb's strength and ability to relate to other people.  One piece of advice I remember Deb telling me is I could always go back to work.  Deb encouraged me from time to time to leave InSearch when I found out I was pregnant with Olivia.  She always said I will never get that time back.  I am so glad I listened to Deb.

Ruth is someone I have always looked up to as a role model.  She is always composed, dressed nice, perfect make up and hair and to top it off she is the kindest person I have ever met.  Ruth would on occasion invite the office to listen to speakers at her church and all of us (the ladies) would go.

The last speaker Ruth, Deb and I went to was right before I left InSearch and the speaker taught us how to pray.  I never knew there was a certain way to pray..no one had ever taught me.  Since then I vowed to try it and see if God really answers my prayers.  Ruth and I would have our own meetings at Panera and we would disscus the results. We came to the conclusion God does answer all our prayers but it is only on his terms.  Try it!  Write down your prayers for yourself and others and over time he does answer them all.

I was born and raised catholic so I had read from the Bible in church but I never actually bought one until Bob reintroduced me to the Bible my last year at InSearch.  Bob would have a men's group every Friday before the office would open and he and his friends would discuss the Bible and how it applied to their life.  I would sometimes ask Bob about the Bible and his thoughts about life and he always had fascinating answers to help me in my current situation.  I remember one of our conversations that has stuck with me today.  "If something in your life is not feeding your soul, then it is God's way of telling you to move on."  So I did.  Thanks Bob.  =)
 
I believe I was guided to work at InSearch to strengthen my faith which will help me fight and beat cancer!

In February 2009, I left InSearch to pursue motherhood (Thanks for the advice Deb) as I was pregnant with Steve's and my first child.  My sister Angie was looking for a nanny and she thought it would be a good fit for me to watch her four children while I raised Olivia.  I thought it was a great idea!  I could still stay home with Olivia and play with my nieces and nephews.  At the time Sully was 5 months old, Addie was 2 1/2, Cullen and Avery were three months shy of their 4th birthday.  Olivia was born April 7, 2009.  Although at first it was a challenge and tested my patience watching my sister's kids and Olivia was the best decision I made.  Olivia and all my sister's kids are so close they miss each other if we go on separate vacations or are apart for more then a weekend.

I believe I was guided to raise Olivia with Angie's kids because Olivia will never have a sibling of her own.  Steve and I found out last Wednesday (March 23) I can no longer carry a child.  The chances of the cancer coming back and killing me are extremely high.  I was sad and disappointed at the news because Steve and I decided we wanted baby #2 a month before we found out I had cancer.  Ironically, I have said for a while before this news I would be okay with just Olivia if that was all God could give us.  She is probably the best gift God could ever give me and to top it off she is healthy!  I always thought I would have two children but maybe it is not in God's plan.  God surrounded Olivia and me with my sister's kids to give Olivia the "siblings" she needs and the children I want....but the good news is it will be less expensive! ;)

I have learned through all this that my life is not my own.  The decisions I make for myself are all for God's plan.  My 6th sense works, maybe I knew all along Steve and I would have one child.  I am realizing now more then ever, my words and thoughts are coming true as I go through this experience.  I am just so thankful for the wonderful people at InSearch who helped strengthen my faith, my sister and brother-in-law who have allowed me to help raise their children giving Olivia her "brother's and sister's".

Thank you to InSearch (Bob, Deb, Jessica, Matt, Carrie and Mindy) for the beautiful cross you gave me.  Such an appropriate gift from the ones who strengthened my faith.  It now hangs on a wall in our bedroom.  Ironically, I have been looking for quite some time to fill that space and now I know why I couldn't find it.

Thank you Jess - I listened to your song and it played on the radio a few times on our way up to Remsen.  Loved it!

Thank you to Deb who stopped by on the worst night of my life, held my hand and cried with me.  The food  was delicious! 

Thank you to Ruth who stopped by to bring me a new cup size and my favorite cookies!  I am so lucky to have you in my life. 

Thank you Brea for having me over at your house.  Olivia still asks:  "Can we go to Brea's house?"  Thank you for sharing your journey with me.

Thank you Angie for your wig.  I can't wait to wear my new color!

Thank you to Claudia for the beautiful prayer shawl.

Thank you Mark, Sara, Ellie and Keaton for the new iPAD cover.  Pink is my new favorite color.

Thank you to my mother-in-law for the beautiful necklace.  As soon as I put it on it felt like I joined a sorority!

Thank you to Judy and Rick for the Strength rock and picture.  I am hoping one day Taya and I can throw that Strength rock in Lake Michigan when we no longer need it.  American Girl here we come! =)

Thank you Stacy for the hearts.  Olivia has already claimed the pink one and I know Steve carries his in his pocket.  I am not sure I will ever get the pink one back from Olivia. =)

Thank you to Crystal for all the books and gifts....you spoil me too much!  I have known Crystal for almost 20 years and she has been there for me in the best and worst of times.  Thank you for your friendship.

Thank you Mom and Dad for helping me with the kids during my doctor's appointments.  I have been extremely lucky to have you as my parents and even luckier to have your help.

Thank you to my husband Steve.  I will never forget when we found out we couldn't have another child and how strong you were for me.  His words as I remember were, "It will be okay.  We will get through this.  We need to get you better first."  Steve still knows how to pull at my heart strings.  Last week he downloaded a song on my new iPAD to remind me of his love for me and promised he will be by my side every step of the way.  I love you!

Thank you God for all the wonderful friends and family you have surrounded me with.  Sometimes our souls need to be recharged in times like this and just a word or two of encouragement is all it takes.

We celebrated Olivia's birthday in Remsen this weekend with the Pottebaum's.  Tyler your performance was fantastic!

Olivia with her cousins Taya and Alexis

Olivia with her cousins Taya and Mya

Big Hug!